TO: Hohjamin, Uncle Kelso, J-Rod, and 266th Street
RE: Premature Damnation & Subsequent Keeping of Word
Geographical Area and Gentlemen,
You’ll recall that, this past Sunday, November 23, we were making our way from South Bend, IN to Lexington, KY. Our route required that we pass through the cities of Kokomo and Carmel in the Hoosier State. These cities are located just north of Indianapolis on Highway 31.
On the trip to South Bend, Hohjamin, Uncle Kelso and I had noticed that the streets were not given names, but were numbered into the high 200s (ex: 266th St. instead of Hoosier St.). We all thought this to be odd, but kept driving toward a very enjoyable weekend.
On the way back, however, with J-Rod in the car this time, seeing the inexplicably high street names caused me to go into a rancid vituperation. I couldn’t understand why a city—especially small cities such as Kokomo and Carmel—would keep such names; even if there are more than two hundred streets intersecting Highway 31, not all of them are in either Kokomo or Carmel.
The important part of the tirade to remember is that I uttered this basic idea: “God damn 266th St., and everyone who lives there.”
It was during this tirade that Uncle Kelso turned and asked, “What number would be acceptable?” I thought for a few seconds, then replied.
“Whatever street name in New York City has the highest number—that number would be fine.” I then used my trusty Blackberry to help me with my argument. “This will be easy,” I thought while clicking away at my keyboard, “there’s no way that NYC hasn’t given what would be the high-numbered streets some sort of commemorative name at the very least. I have this in the bag.”
While attempting to find my evidence, it was said that some sort of reprimand would be necessary, should I find proof of a street numbered 266 or higher in NYC. The following stipulations were put forth:
1.) I, Treebeard, would not only recant my two goddamns, but would also give the street and community a free goddamn to use at their discretion.
2.) I would also give three hoorahs for 266th St. and its population, to be paid at the moment of discovery of a higher or equally numbered street in NYC.
3.) I would write up a public apology for my behavior, to be posted at The Corner Booth.
No longer than five minutes after these terms were reached, I found evidence of a 267th St. in NYC. Thus, in keeping with my promise, I instantly recanted my goddamns, gave three hoorahs for 266th St. and its population, and bestowed upon them a free goddamn to use at their discretion. With this public apology, not only am I completing my end of the bargain, but I sincerely hope that we can all put this instance behind us.
I, Treebeard, apologize for goddamning 266th St. between Kokomo and Carmel, IN, as well as its inhabitants. My words were not only hasty, but harsh. I admit that I should be more accepting of different street-naming methods, and pledge to be more open-minded on future expeditions.
cc: The Readership of The Corner Booth